2 Responses for "what do you think of this poem is it ok?"

1. Vanessa Hudgens March 14th, 2010 at 6:55 am 1

   it sounds like an honest poem but it doesn't really grab me and pull me in… if you are going to write about death you need to be a bit more descriptive and dramatic to allow the reader to feel the pain/depression/sorrow

2. taylor lautner March 14th, 2010 at 6:55 am 2

   OMG i am going to kill the stupid spammer above me! lol. No one wants to buy your stupid shoes.Anyway, Ithe idea of this poem is great. It's a really good start, I just think the structure could use some work, like making it flow more. Smooth it out and stuff.It's a beautiful idea and if you edited it some, changed up some words, cut out some parts, pieced things together a bit more smoothly, it will be amazing. The idea behind it is great, and that will make it a stunning poem in the end. You're writing is honest and it shows through. Work out the kinks and it will only improve. I especially love: "But I wonder what could have beenIf I actually pulled the knife closer to my skin"Those words are haunting. You have something here. Good work. One last thing:You have a lot of contradictions in the poem, like you're changing your mind while writing. I like that, it makes it very honest but it needs to be a little easier to follow. "But no that is a sin.But I wonder what could have been" is a good start but could be edited. Source(s): good luck