What do you think of this first paragraph?
Author: admin
14
Mar
What do you think of this first paragraph?
The running water turned a deep red when she took the cold blade and ran it across her pale porcelain smooth skin. She knew what she was doing, and she knew why she was doing it. She couldn’t get up the nerve to ask anyone for help, to tell them what had happened. She was sorry for doing it, she just wanted everything to stop. Her world as she knew was spinning way to fast, and she needed it to slow down. She wanted to be fourteen and innocent again, not eighteen and full of regret. Every night of the past two weeks she has been thinking about what it would be like if she never meet them. If she never made the decision to go with them that night, then maybe none of the weight that’s on shoulders would be there right now. She doesn’t blame them for anything. She blames herself for being part of it. She blames her parents for not noticing the changes. She blames her teachers for not saying anything about her dropping grades. It was all in front of them, yet no one cared enough to notice.
5 Responses for "What do you think of this first paragraph?"
Best Answer – Chosen by Voters Wow, this is really good. I can totally picture the scene in my head. Very well written, keep up the good work
i'd change that first when to asbut other than that i think it's really good, ooh, maybe also put in some more action, what she's doing i mean, when you say "…needed it to slow down." maybe talk about how she drew the blade from her skin, positoiining it just the right distance from the first cut befoer pressig down again, or something like thatbut any way, your a really good writer, i like the description and you didn't over elaborate about anything
yeah that was good, i think you are a good writer as the similie of the porcelin suggests. however, its easy to lapse into descirptive complacency. but yes it is good, alot better than some of what i have seen, keep at it
INTENSE, but really really predictable.
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! I really want to know what happens next! You are an amazing author! Please continue writing!
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