4 Responses for "What do you think of this as a part of a story?"

1. justin bieber March 26th, 2010 at 3:44 am 1

   Best Answer – Chosen by Voters Apart from the comments above, which are quite valid, I could only had a narrative problem to your story.If you're telling the story in first person, you shouldn't really describe "yourself". People don't look in the mirror and think "My brown-red hair sweeps over my dark brown eyes. My face is lightly covered with make-up. As I stare at my face and think it over: I am a subtle beauty."Normally they'd go "God, isn't my nose big?" or "My hair does like quite nice like this". People's thoughts aren't literary, and this is where you need to be careful with your narrative.If it comes up naturally in the conversation, have another character describe what "you" look like. Or comment, upon seeing another character, that you never felt the need to dye your brown-red hair. You could weave in at another pont, "Like me, most Subtle Beauties have dark brown eyes". Forget the make-up – readers will take that as a given – or at some point mention how "you" wish you could make do without make-up. But then, surely "Beauties" don't need make-up at all?I should point out that you mention your eyes are dark brown, and that you're a Subtle … but later you say that all Beauties have gold eyes.It's an interesting idea that's better and more original that the rest of the cruddy vampire teen fiction that would try to do the same thing (only worse), so keep up the originality! My advise is to weave in all the information above into the narrative over the space of the first chapter (or two chapters).Good luck! Source(s): David BrookesAuthor of "Half Discovered Wings"www.spinninglizard.co.uk

2. justin bieber March 26th, 2010 at 3:44 am 2

   To be honest I think the best thing about it is that it is original…I dont really like the idea-sorry.I think it is a bit weird and I would not read a book with this sort of plot..Not trying to be mean or anything…As a published author I encourage you to continue writting- though I am not sure my publisher would publish this kind of story…Hope this Helpsxooxx

3. taylor lautner March 26th, 2010 at 3:44 am 3

   well ive read worse. it seemed a little confusing at first, but i understood after a minute. "dressing ways is quite diffrent" needs to be changed mit does not sound right. as long as this is not you opening and we have already hade an enconter with aanother beuty, it should be good

4. justin bieber March 26th, 2010 at 3:44 am 4

   I like it, but a lot of people don't like 1st-person, like the one above me. I don't either. It's a good idea, I don't see what the plot could be though. Change it to third-person and it would be accepted by more.