Undecided Question

Time To Shine Bright, not Let It Rain..
You did it, you made me fall. I fell in and everytime I try to fall out, I fall back in. Why? Why must i continue to make the same mistakes over and over; just to keep coming to the same conclusion. You are like a burning candle in my heart that I can't blow out. I think it's time to blow that candle out.

I can't make it go away, I can't not think about you but i know in my heart that I can't change you. I can't make you see or feel what I feel. We think different. You are always black or white; right or wrong; fighting for everything. Me; I'm grey. I'm quiet, I usually agree with people. I hate confrontation, I never like to see people hurt. Your bold, beautiful in your own way; your comfortable in your own skin. The truth is i'm not like that.
I'm not bold, and I unfortunately care what people think, which I know I shouldn't but, I want people to look at me for me; nothing else; not for my achievements, not for my grades, not for my looks; instead for me and my values. When I walk down the city street with those bright lights beaming into the dark night, I want to be seen. I want people to go wow, she's beautiful. I want people to see the real me for me.
I want so much out of life. I want to live; not just breathe. I want to define and give meaning to my life. I want to cherish every breath I take. I want to wake up every morning, and thank god for everyone and everything I have. I want to laugh until my stomach hurts, I want to explore and travel unexplored areas. I want to fall madly in love, and love that same guy until I die I want to write; I want the words that flow steadily through my mind to grab your attention; I want the words to inspire you; to pull you into my life and my story; I want to live my dreams. I want a good career; one that I wake up and feel happyand satisfied with. I want to come home and feel on top of the world because I have an amazing family. I know I'm only seventeen but, I know what I want, and I will give it my all to have a long, happy life.
You: you say you want the same as me; to live; but, do you really know what living is? You say you want to travel, but in my mind you don't obtain a passport to do so. You say when you get older, you don't want kids, in my mind you'll never have a happy marriage because there is an empty gap. You claim you want to be in a relationship, but you leave people hanging. You see in my mind, your like a package that never ships and I'm your receiver. You say you want to live; in my mind you are always moving the hand on the clock, rushing the minutes forward. You say your living but are you really living to the fullest?
You came and hit me like a blue, wild, wet wave. I was the sand. I fell for you and I think you didn't like the fact that, you; the blue, wild, and wet wave had me; the sand coming into your territory. I was like a cloud and you were the sky; in the same environment, but never mixing.
Our differences are large, they can be pushed under the rug, but never permanently erased. I want to live. You say you want to live. There's a difference. I'm opened minded and have desire; desire to live; to breathe; to love; to have fun; to live like i'm dying. You don't have desire; desire to live life to the fullest; to love; to laugh.
Today, the weather is nice and I feel like the sun, shining bright and ready for anything because I am letting you go. As I look over this peaceful, gorgeous beach; I realize something, you have not changed at all. You are still that wild and wet wave that once hit me. So everytime I think about that day you hit me, I'm going to continue to shine bright. The more I shine the better I am. And while shining high and bright, I get the pleasure of having a fresh start and ready to fall again when the time is right.