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14 Mar
What do you think of my book, Silent Wings, so far?
Chapter One
My entire body throbbed from pain as I darted down the deserted avenue. All I could think was that I had to get away from them. The “cops” they’re after me, and it’s not because I’m a criminal. I know they’re not real cops just posers, and I don’t really care. I just need to get away, and fast. You might want to know why they’re after me. And I’d happily tell you if I knew myself, and I wasn’t perhaps running for my life once again. You know you’re not running fast enough, when they start shooting at you and a bullet almost hits your leg. Two guys, big guns, and a lot of guts to fire at me, ‘cause I can tell you one thing: When I get it together they are as good as dead. I guess I’m not that lucky, because one of their bullets nicked my leg, taking a chunk of skin and dirt ridden jeans with it. Desperation can cause you to do some pretty crazy things like launch yourself off the roof of a building. And I was very desperate.
Falling is a peculiar feeling, almost like you are not actually conscious when it’s happening. It feels almost like a dream- until you hit the ground. Trust me I’ve “fallen” enough times to prove for sure that the fall never hurt anyone, it was the impact. Luckily all this experience has taught me how to land. The ground came up fast sending a shock through my entire body, not the greatest feeling. Anyways, my pursuers couldn’t figure out where I went.
I figure now would be a great time to introduce myself, because, hey: I’m not running from psycho-maniacs, and the government isn’t trying to get me back. The name’s Kar, and if I’d have to guess, I’m about thirteen. You probably want to know why these people are after me. Yeah, so do I, cue me in when you figure it out. But I do know why the government is after me. I never knew my parents, and I don’t freaking want to. They let the worst things happen to me. The earliest I remember I was in a government facility. White room, single chair, thin sheet over a cold metal cot. No windows, no doors, they came and got me through an opening in the roof. Evidently I was supposed to be some sort of “human lab rat”. These people must have been a little sick to the head, because who conducts experiments on children. Yeah it makes you want to just run out and give them a big ‘ole hug. Don’t feel bad for me- I’m not some helpless priss. Back then I must have been luckier because I got out of there before they could do anything really bad to me. I knew people who were cut open and examined. Kids who had their skin peeled off just a little at a time so these people could see what happened. There were worse experiments too, too gruesome to even speak of. All done to kids under seventeen. Makes you sick doesn’t it?
Escaping wasn’t easy. Every day I would bang my bed against the wall just a little bit. It was risky- there were cameras everywhere. Yet little by little the wall peeled away and no one seemed to notice. Finally, the hole was barely big enough to slip through. In my moment of relief, alarms sounded around the building. I had hit a wire implanted in the wall. Not a great time to realize your room was on the fourth story of a building. Still I really didn’t have many options, being the scientists were after me, so I jumped. Or fell, whatever you want to call it. No matter what I’d hoped I still hit the ground. Hard. I stayed in shock for a split second before I got up and started running. They had released the Rottweilers out to get me, to keep me from leaving. So, was I going to surrender then? If they thought so they’d have to be out of their freaking minds. Just when I thought I was free, I came to a ten foot tall barbed wire fence. It towered above me looming evilly. That’s when time seemed to stop, and everything happened in slow-mo. Pretty freaky, right? I sprang forward clinging on to the chain links in the fence. I lunged upward, not only gaining height but scrapes from the razor sharp barbed wire. When I had finally reached the top, the scientists had started to climb the fence after me, so instead of calmly climbing down, I fell down. The ground, I can say was still just as unforgiving as always. I hit the ground (hard) and dashed into the surrounding forest.
Anyways, back from that flashback moment, it’s only been a few weeks since I escaped that horrid place, and I have my freedom, but no peace at mind.
Oh yeah, one more thing. I think I’m growing wings.
3 Responses for "What do you think of my book, Silent Wings, so far?"
Best Answer – Chosen by Voters it didn't really make sense and was all over the place try using more 'show not tell' and description you just kept switching from one thing to another
It doesn't just sound like a James Patterson book; it basically is one. This wouldn't be such a bad thing if you hadn't almost exactly copied the plot from the Maximum Ride books. I would recommend that you think up your own plot and then go from there, because your style of writing could be pretty catchy with the "tween" crowd. Also, you might want to slow your writing down a little and space out your facts a bit; people reading your story would either get lost right away or get bored because of too much happening in too little time.don't be offended or anything. you asked for my opinion and that is what I gave you.
Amazing if you're in K-5Good if you're in 6-8Decent if you're in 9-11Bad if you're in 12Horrible if you're in collegeIf you're older then that, than you sir are a retard…
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