What do you think about my novel so far…?
Author: admin
15
Mar
What do you think about my novel so far…?
“A
nything more, sire?” said the royal chef. King Osmith patted his belly and playfully said “No, no thank-you. You plumped me up well enough. Good job.” “Thank-you, my lord,” said the chef. The chef then turned to Queen Ellen and asked “How about anything for the misses?” “No thank-you, I think I will retire to my quarters as well,” replied the queen. The chef then gathered the dishes and returned to the kitchen. “So dear, what type of fragrance are you wearing?” Osmith said in a light tone. “Oh this perfume…its river orchids, especially made by the royal gardener herself.” Ellen said while sipping her wine from her silver cup. “It is truly hypnotizing, my love,” said the king. “Why don’t we go to our master bedroom and fall in love?” he added. He continued to gaze at her shimmering beauty. “Surely the king must know that I am remaining celibate.” Ellen said with her eyes sharply pointed at the king. “Celibate, do you know how many children we have?” said the king with slight fury. “Yes, that’s why I’m choosing to be celibate.” Ellen said wittingly.
Ellen was a beautiful woman. Her black hair came down to her soft and delicate shoulders. Her skin was white and luscious. She also had a small mole on her cheek. Her eyes were a wooden dark-brown and always carried a sense of mystery. Her frame was tall and graceful. What man in the kingdom would not consider her as the most beautiful woman in the world? The king was also no man of foul looks. He had short, tangling, light-orange hair. He was tall and had a muscular built. He had hazel eyes and strong face features. His mustache was thick and his chin was full of hair. The only physical fault this man had was that he was a decade older than Ellen. As they continued to talk the royal advisor came in. “Your highness, I have some very important news I wish to tell you. I would ask that you excuse the misses, please.” The queen’s beautiful face then turned into a face of anger and hatred. But somehow she still managed to speak in her soft and lovely voice. “Well, the kingdom is half mine and whatever the business has to deal with it is more likely to deal with the kingdom and I wish to know what is going on.” They both then turned to the king awaiting his answer. “Let her stay… so what is the matter?” said Osmith. “Well, sire the kingdom of Belzonia has a new king,” said the advisor. “Oh really, who is he?” asked Osmith. “His name is Jebediahas,” said the advisor. “Sounds interesting…” said the king. “Why don’t we meet him? We can give him a royal welcome.” said Ellen. “Go to another king’s kingdom unannounced? That’s just truly preposterous. You also must not know that the king has been feuding with Belzonian Empire for years.” said the advisor in an irritated tone. “Well this could be a new start,” said Ellen. King Osmith didn’t really want to become friends with anyone especially the new king of Belzonia, but he decided to side with his wife. His wife was surely one that could hold a grudge so he didn’t want to make her upset, by not taking her opinion to heed. “Send a letter letting him know that he will be having royal guests tomorrow.” The king said. “Surely my lord, you’re not serious.” The advisor said with slight scare. “I am. Now go.” The king demanded.
Meanwhile in the dark and foggy forest, a man that has no human feature but, the outline of a human is standing atop a hill that gives and overview of Snom and Belzonia. It is wearing a black coat with the hood over its head. He is almost like a living shadow of smoke. “Soon enough both of your kingdoms will be mine,” said the deep voice of the mysterious man. He then gave a maniacal laugh that echoed through the forest. Back at the castle of King Osmith, he and his wife were in bed. “I’m so happy for you dear. This is your chance to make it all right with the Belzonian people. My idea was great wasn’t it honey,” said Ellen. “It’s only a great idea if it works my love,” Said King Osmith tiredly. “I’m sure it’ll work.” She said. “What makes you so sure?” he said. “Because I thought of it, that’s why, now good night.” She kissed him on his cheek and fell asleep. “I hope your right…for his sake,” the king said in a mummer.
3 Responses for "What do you think about my novel so far…?"
Best Answer – Chosen by Voters Why are you posting this without revising the dialogue? For the second time, make a new paragraph when a different person begins to speak. It's also the enter key, if you had no idea.
Interesting, cheesy for kids right?My main issue: Start a new line when a new character is talking!!!This: "Hello, my dear." King Osmith said."Hello, how are you?" Queen Ellen said.NOT:"Hello my dear" King Osmith said. "Why hello" said Ellen. "How are you?" Said Osmith…
Like Eos said, ever time there is dialogue, make sure you start a new paragraph. Also, I notice grammatical mistakes. “Anything more, sire?” said the royal chef. King Osmith patted his belly and playfully said “No, no thank-you. You plumped me up well enough. Good job.” “Thank-you, my lord,” said the chef. The chef then turned to Queen Ellen and asked “How about anything for the misses?” “No thank-you, I think I will retire to my quarters as well,” replied the queen. The chef then gathered the dishes and returned to the kitchen. “So dear, what type of fragrance are you wearing?” Osmith said in a light tone. “Oh this perfume…its river orchids, especially made by the royal gardener herself.”should be“Anything more, sire?” said the royal chef. King Osmith patted his belly and said “No, no thank you. You plumped me up well enough. Good job.” “Thank you, my lord,” said the chef. The chef then turned to Queen Ellen and asked “How about anything for the Mrs.?” “No thank you, I think I will retire to my quarters as well,” replied the queen. The chef then gathered the dishes and returned to the kitchen. “So dear, what type of fragrance are you wearing?” Osmith said in a light tone. “Oh this perfume…it's river orchids, especially made by the royal gardener herself.”Also, it doesn't seem very realistic. I don't believe that they are actual king and queens.Hope I helped, honey!
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