Hi, ok this I posted before but I have added to it. Now, before people start shouting at me that it is offensive to joke about stuff, please know I am a Twilight fan and I am only trying to have a bit of fun.
So, with that out the way… what do you think of my Twilight Parody?

I don’t know why I had insisted on bringing the cactus all the way to Forks but I did. I mean, there is no sun here what so ever. How would the poor thing thrive? It was the only reminder of back home and even though I had lived in Phoenix since I was four, I never had a tan. Strange, maybe it was so I would fit in if I accidently fell in love with the mystery guy at school and he turned out to be a vampire and all his family were pale marble like creatures. Yes, that was it. I never had a tan because I had to fit in here, I mean how would his parents feel if he brought home an oompa loompa? I thought back to how grateful I was that my mom’s, dad’s, dad’s grandmother had the ‘albino’ gene.

The good thing about moving here was, my dad Gordon, didn’t like to hoover. That’s the English word for, vacuum. Yes, I’m smart too. Back home, mom, would always rugby tackle me to the floor if I even dared try to vacuum. She liked the noise the cleaner made. It distracted her from the voices in her head.

I was taken from my thoughts when my dad entered the room claiming he had a present for me. I didn’t know why he was trying to act like a father now he hadn’t bothered buying me a present in two whole weeks.

“Beauty, come downstairs I have a surprise for you,” he said.

My mom named me after her favorite book, ‘Black Beauty’. She tells everyone when I was born my face reminded her of a horse. That’s not the truth though she named me after her favorite Disney Princess, ‘Belle from Beauty and the Beast’. Mom just liked to joke she could read to her friends.

When I reached the drive, a bright orange truck sat where my dad’s hot dog van should have been. Gordon was the local chief of meals on wheels and had been for the last eleven years. He was highly respected round these parts. The first year didn’t go great when he accidentally knocked down an old lady crossing the road but since then he had a clean record and everyone looked up to him.

“So, what do you think of your present?” he asked.

“What this?” I asked, biting my lower lip (it’s a habit I have.) “Are you serious?”

“Yes, honey,” he replied, “but I want you to know this is your next two birthdays rolled into one. So don’t be expecting me to buy a digital camera for that scrapbook your mom plans on buying you next year, ok?”

“Sure, dad, no problem,” I said.

I opened the trucks old rusty door and hit a boy I never even noticed standing there. He was tall with tanned skin and long flowing black hair. I knew right at that moment that I looked into his eyes I would break his heart. Just for the heck of it.