This is something I'm currently working on. I personally see potential for it to be actually finished, unlike most of what I write. So I wanted to get some opinions from other writers. I would like to post it on a writers site, but responses is really slow, so I figured a why not use Y!A to get some opinions.

I'm looking for some serious critiquing i.e. do you like it? What about it do you like? If not, what don't you like. I know the grammar is a bit rough, so maybe less detail on that and more on the story itself. You know plot, characters, atmosphere etc. Does it appeal to you at all?

Thanks

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Have you ever wanted to inherit the moon? Yes, the moon. That big white ball up in the sky that gloomily lights our dark skies soon after 6pm during the winter season. That big ball we all as kids used to think was made of cheese. It’s that strange white ball we call the moon that gives our beloved planet its strange shade of beauty we get to enjoy until sunrise. Then when the time comes for the sun to ruin it all a sort of bittersweet feeling fills our hearts. Sometimes you begin to wonder if it would be so bad for the sun to die. Just one day, as we all go our busy way; the bright flames just vanish; leaving behind a stony fa?ade in the ever-present darkness of space, leaving room for the moon to continue to shine our forever night skies.

Can you imagine it? A world without sunlight? Some say it is a terribly depressing idea, but would it be so bad? What does the sun offer us that the moon can’t? Both offer light that is if you don’t account for the level brightness. Sure it provides heat, but it’s nothing a open fire can’t fix. Scientist say the reason for moonlight is because of sunlight and that it goes hand in hand. But I say nay. I believe the moon is itself magical.

I sometimes wonder if heaven was up in the moon and hell is on earth. There is so much pain on earth. Then again it isn’t Mother Nature’s fault. No, can’t blame Mother Nature for that. I blame humans. What if you could live alone on the moon, by yourself? Would you do it? Complete silence all around and no words of hate or actions of violence. Oh but what another bittersweet dream. It would be lonely, to not have another body next to you. To not have someone to hold, to press skin against skin, to feel the warmth of the other, or to feel the feeling you get once your lips and hers press softly together.

I remember how once long ago my days consisted of bitten down pills and sulfuric silver like taste on my tongue. I remember how alcohol burned down my throat and stomach like acid. She was the reason why I craved sleep. Why I longed for that momentary bliss that runs through your body as your body hits the softness of your bed. Whenever she left me on the bed, by myself, after every fight, I would just sit their staring off into the dimly lit fluorescent bulb of our studio apartment on Shane’s Street. I’d blink every so often and see different shades of color and shapes. My eyes stung and were dry whenever I tried to rub the sleep off my eyes. The dark circles under my dreary eyes became a shade darker every day as the skin of my lower lid began to sag. There was time when I came home one day to find her sitting no clothes in the back corner of the studio. She had her head against the corner, and thinly arms wrapped around her legs. The bangs of her pale blonde hair slight covered her face, leaving the tears that streaked down the pale complexion of her cheek unnoticed. I dropped my bag onto the wooden floor, leaving the door open, and tried to go to her. But she just screamed for me to stop. Just screamed, no eye contact just screamed. She didn’t even specify me or anybody. She just screamed “stop!” And every inch of movement brought the screaming a pitch higher.