POEM # 3: What do you think of it?

Saviour

His mind shuts down as it seeps in through his head
Blank as a stump
It's identity remains with held
His own mind betrays to a new ruler
Soon taken over, he lays there trembling
No one can pull him out the deep waters he's jumped in

Cold metal then touches the skin
He does not care, he does not fear
These pain inflicted thoughts he feels no sympathy for
This built up hatred towards himself is to blame
He allies with welcoming shadows
Since the light too bright had blinded him

He drags the chills in closer to his vein
Holding life with his own bare hand
The deep red soil begins to over flow
Only self destruction in command
Not even a single wince in pain
All screams are let to drain his deteriorated mind

To this day, he still lives
It is a sign from the ones above whom I wish to thank
However, the path he walked on still remains
I release voices to over power his shame, but they are never heard
Am I the one who was born to seek his cure?
I'm willing to nurse him back to health
For all I want to be is his one true saviour
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~…
Copyright 2010 Bree Rensberger

Tough critisism greatly appreciated.

I know some word choice doesn't fit so well.
Structure is my weak point.

Thank you.