Please tell me what you think of my poem?
Author: admin
14
Mar
Undecided Question
Please tell me what you think of my poem?
A soul so pure, a mind so young,
Secrets and lies, the story unsung,
A mother figure walks away,
Invite the confusion, let it stay,
Grow on your own, never understand,
There’s no protection, no helping hand,
Exhale your breath, then suck it in,
Accept the rejection, let it crawl through your skin,
Are her tears of sadness, or of pure guilt,
Your respect for her, till this day does wilt,
Close your eyes, imagine the past,
These feelings of resentment, surely won’t last,
The more think, the more you care,
But to see her hurt, you cannot bare,
She doesn’t know, when you’ve had a hard day,
When you mind is full of hatred, sadness and grey,
As you grow older, the more about life you learn,
These feelings grow stronger, continue to burn,
Still as an you can’t figure her out,
These thoughts in your head don’t cease to shout,
And they scream so loud, and ever so true,
It is as simple as three little words,
I blame you.
4 Responses for "Please tell me what you think of my poem?"
I like it, well put together
damn, this is real good. the emotion is obvious and real
As others have said, I think it is a very powerful poem with lots of emotion. However, I think the technical side could use some development. Good poetry, in my opinion, should seem effortless in it's flow. Although you get the rhythm right for the most part, there are some spots where it gets hung up. Try reading it aloud, and try nit to let preconceptions you've formed about the flow guide you. Look at it with fresh eyes like a reader just encountering it, and follow the words, not your thoughts, when reading for flow. The more think, the more you care,^ I think there's a typo there. Also, if you want to take your poem to the next level, try making the punctuation more sophisticated. Use colons, semi-colons, dashes, even leave the ending blank with no punctuation. If two lines are supposed to flow together or be emphasized in a certain way, show it! Don't just always stick commas at the end of the line, punctuation is an often neglected but very important part of good poetry. Anyway, good work. It actually reminded me a little of some of my recent work. I wouldn't have gotten so technical if I didn't think you had something good going there to work with
Source(s): Poetry nut.
wow that's deep an kinda sad,but i can sorta relate.i like it.
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