I've been writing a story and am pretty far into it, about 148 pages in Word. I'm just looking for constructive criticism and opinions on my story. It's a fantasy. And I'm not a professional but love love love to write!

Too much. Can’t take it.
The man had never been so scared. Had never felt such disbelief. Had never experienced the panic that he was going through now. He fought savagely, an animal instinct kicking in. He fought, but was no match…he lost almost immediately. The ground cracked, and then caved underneath his feet, and he plunged into never-ending darkness.
The man awoke. His hands clenched, coming up with a fistful of sand. It ran through his fingers and he opened his eyes. The scene, lying sideways, was of a beach. White, crystal sand, so fine it could be mistaken for sugar. There was water lapping beside him, as warm as bathtub water. The sun shone softly on his skin. He sat up, and looked around. The water nudged him like a playful puppy.
Come and play. Come and play.
He was not wet, although he was sitting in water. Strange. Over on the beach, was a cabin and it beckoned to him, promising eternal happiness. He didn’t know who he was. He didn’t know what he was doing here. He didn’t care. Peace and tranquility flowed through him, and he sighed. He never wanted to leave. But, there was someone there. Someone else. Someone evil. He spun around and was instantly gagged and thrown aside. His world fell into darkness once again.
Several days later, the same man returned. But he was different. Heart encased in stone, he barely noticed the beautiful view. His footprints left harsh, ragged imprints in the sand. His eyes now shone with evil intent. He was not the same man. But he knew what he was put here to do. That was all that mattered. A grin appeared on his face, sinister as he entered the cabin. The waves and sun and cabin and sand were crying for him.

“Night!”
“Night!”
The lights clicked off as the girls snuggled into their beds. Jazz lay awake for an hour just listening to her sister snore softly. Her blue eyes glinted in the moonlight peeking through their velvet curtains. Finally, Jazz rose out of bed, careful not to wake her sister, and crept outside. The air was crisp and felt like a silk blanket on her warm skin. She breathed a sigh of relief. The air inside a cramped house was too…stuffy, contained like a cage. Outside, however, you could smell everything. The fragile blades of grass swaying, the gentle gold of the radiating lights, the burning of the faint stars, but most of all, you could smell the quietness.
There was something special about each kind of quiet, Jazz mused. There was the uncomfortable quiet that smothered all the fun, the nothing-to-say quiet, the homework/school quiet, and the alone quiet. The ‘Alone Quiet’ had Jazz feel as if the world was just watching, the whole world, and all of the opportunities were out and anything could happen. She liked that quiet the best, savored it and craved its presence.
There was a cramp in her left ankle so she sat on the damp grass. And gazed up at the stars. There were so many.
What if each was a planet? What if there were people on each planet? What would they do different than here? What if…Jazz often had thought patterns like this. Out of the corner of her eye, Jazz thought she saw something peculiar. Fixing her blue-gray eyes on it, she realized it was a star. No…not a star. A star wouldn’t be blinking different colors would it? Of course not. She counted to herself.
Green…one…blue…two…yellow…three…white…… And then the pattern would start over. Jazz’s body tensed up. Her hair on the back of her neck stood straight and her feet wanted to run. Was someone watching me? She glanced around her. No one. Silently, she got to her feet and hurried inside to where a whimpering Karma was tossing and turning.
Jazz didn’t notice that the star was now shining a glorious crimson.
Inside, Jazz went and splashed water over her chilled face, it awakened her to everything. Sharpening the edges of her vision. Glancing up at the mirror, she watched herself for a moment. The waves in her long caramel colored hair looked messy with bed head, and her cute little button nose was tinged with red from the cold. The corners of her mouth turned up a little, watching the girl in the mirror smile. If you replace Jazz’s blue eyes with chocolate brown ones…boom, there’s Karma.
As Jazz was walking through the house, she stopped and listened for any sounds of her parents. Nothing. They must not be home yet.
Jazz went to bed in hopes of falling asleep.