beauty healthy happy
14 Mar
Please judge my poems? Tell me what you think?
Help me hide, please be by my side,
I loved you then
Your turn to love me now
If you care, you'll be there, somehow
I need to get away,
Please sometime today!
If you love, you'll take care
But be aware, this is the dare
It's dangerous, you see
But it's the only choice for me
You have it all for you,
And so much to do!
Our love is what makes you give up it all
I'm the reason that made you fall
It's my biggest regret
But it's only my virtue that won't let me forget
-Rainie B.
You only have to choose one to critic, I don't expect you to read them all but if you want, I would love for your judgement and opinions!
Conflicted:
Shut up, don't talk about me that way
I'm not going to feel worthless against your hold
I wish I could make you pay
But that wouldn't be right, so I was told
You hurt me, you did
I can't go to sleep at night
And I don't see how you do, your like a kid
No guilt, No conscience
I'm tired of this fight
I'm conflicted, I am. I shouldn't feel this way.
After you betrayed me, and slit my heart
You still take my breath away
I just can't stand for us to be apart
After all you did, after all my suffering
I can't help but love you still
I'm your offering,
And that's how I know what I feel, is real
The pain, will heal
The bruises, will fade
But our ever so twisted love is forever…?
Burn:
The house, standing still
Rested above me on a tall hill
I caused the fire, I admit
I wanted them all to die in a flaming pit
Where angry eyes have the right to spit
It's heat, I felt hard on my pale skin
Hopefull I would never do it agaibn
But I make no promises, after my terrible sin
The last one came to me in a dream
9 Responses for "Please judge my poems? Tell me what you think?"
Your Poems are amazing! They have great feelings that are clearly present through each one, that go well with the rythm to make the words flow. I hope to read more of them some day, whether it be by more posts (questions), or someday in your own published collection, which I believe is extremely possible in this case. The only thing I would suggest is checking over your writings/spellings, I noticed a few mistakes and sometimes it throws people off from your great work. Keep Writing! Source(s): High School Publisher
That is real good…keep on writing Source(s):
i think they r pretty good. keep writing and before u know it. u will be able to put all your poems into a book and have it published Source(s): me
only god can judge you and the poems. jk nice poem
They are good, keep writing!
long, very long but good i like it
I Love them
Thanks for reviewing mine btw.Felt a lot of emotion, but i think the best thing was that they were all very relatably to. I think most people could read them and it would remind them of a time in there life. Great work
my favorite one was conflicted n' i guess it was because i could connect to it more easily. i loved the idea and how amazing u put it in the poem these are my favorite parts of the poem:After you betrayed me, and slit my heartYou still take my breath awayI just can't stand for us to be apartAfter all you did, after all my sufferingI can't help but love you stillthey're just amazing! cause it really doesn' make sense when he's left u for another n' u still yearn for him every time u se him n' there's this tense feeling around too….i totally get u!
Lanterns shifting people driftingShadows running horses neighingNeighbors screaming birds scattering Darkness dwelling madness wellingNight falling owls hootingWind sighing Child smilingFire churning building burningMatches dropping to the groundChild walking from the flamesThinking a deed well done Source(s): A deed WELL done.
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