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15 Mar
Opinion on writing piece please?
What Prejudice Means to Me
In the society that we live in now, prejudice seems outdated and faraway. In reality, this is not the case. Some people still judge others before really getting to know them based on a disability they may have or even their physical appearance. For instance, a person could be judged on the color of their skin. Though all variations of skin color are widely accepted nowadays, there are still people who do not share this acceptance. All degrees of this are wrong and show how awful it is to think this way.
When my mother was in high school, she loved to run. There was a track team at her school, but only boys were on it. Shortly before this problem came up, a law called Title IX was passed that stated "No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance…." When she demanded that she be put on the team, the track coach could not deny her of the privilege. Because my mother was the only female on the team, the coach forgot to let her into the showers or include her in meetings sometimes, but she hung on. The next year, her school hired a track coach for the girl’s team (she happened to be the male coach’s wife), and many more girls joined the team. This is the story of one women’s perseverance.
“Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away, and that in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
This quote from Martin Luther King Jr. is not only truly inspiring but also downright true. If our world were built off of the bases of love and brotherhood, there would not be the awful prejudice that some people are subject to.
One Response for "Opinion on writing piece please?"
It's patchy and a bit weak. You talk about discrimination against appearance, race, and disability, and then you simply state that "all degrees of this are wrong and show how awful it is to think this way". With the way you've worded it, you might as well have said that the fact that people think this way shows how awful it is to think this way. You don't try to argue your opinion, or even hint that you may later. After talking about discrimination against everything but sex, you start in with a story about it. Develop your ideas and arguments a little more, and try to tie the piece together. If you use the example with your mother, make it more vivid. Right now it's like, "ok so this girl wanted to run but she couldn't n then there was a law n then she could but she wasn't equal n then there was a girl's team." There really isn't enough emotion to drive your point home. Talk to you mom about it and inject the feelings she had into the example. Talk about how frustrating or hard it was for her in more detail to help emphasize how much the discrimination effected her. By developing your argument and adding more details, you could have a really nice piece here. Good luck! ^_^
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