Does this essay sound okay?

Lexi Burris
2-17-10
3rd
Mrs. Beavers, Pre AP English 1

Princess Apocalypse

It was a dark time in the world. (s) People had been steadily becoming more and more greedy, angrier and angrier, more and more chaotic. Living conditions had been deteriorating on an exponential increase for years. The world was becoming a worse and worse place to live. People all over the world were threatened by starvation and other limited resources such as space, water, medicine, and other equipment. Suicide and homicide rates eclipsed record highs, worldwide. China and many Middle Eastern countries along with North Korea, Russia and many other countries were against the United States, Japan, South Korea, France, Germany, and England in what was becoming World War III. The threat of war caused inflation everywhere, because of restricted trading. (Cx)
Suddenly huge earthquakes struck throughout the world, and it caused volcanoes to erupt and spew ash so high it pulled all the visible stars from the sky to the earth, except the sun which was covered and turned black, while the moon turned blood red. (Ccx)When the ash cleared from the sky, a figure was standing on the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, the world’s tallest inland volcano. She had shiny black hair, which reached to the middle of her back, tan skin, emerald green eyes, and a heavenly smile. When she spoke her voice was very clear commanding yet pleasant. It put almost everyone under her supernatural influence. She was so mesmerizing that those around could only focus on her beauty, forgetting what had happened. She took responsibility for the many deaths and she explained herself further saying she said she was a princess sent by her father to change the world. She said she was capable of miracles and creating disasters and those that stand in her way will suffer. There was only a small group that believed her to be the Princess of the Apocalypse, and they were no match for her especially if she was daughter of Satan.
The group tried to talk to others and make them believe that the princess would bring the end of the world but nobody would listen. Princess Apocalypse had put her spell in nearly the entire human race. She commanded everyone to do her bidding, and talked to the masses, and they sided with her when she used war, and disease to kill many people. She was her father’s favorite daughter, and the child he sent to create the end of the human race. (pn) She also demonstrated her powers by using fire to burn up much of the water and destroying the food. Her followers did not even think about how they would not have anything to eat or drink.
One of her sisters, Princess Armageddon, rode to the scene on a horse. Armageddon, who had long pale blonde hair down to her knees, and hazel eyes, looked very different than her sister. When her hazel eyes met the amused emerald eyes Princess Armageddon demanded to know why billions of people had been killed, why thousands more had been tortured, and why the humans had been tricked into fighting with each other. Princess Apocalypse just laughed at her goody two shoes sister, which in human terms is more like a cousin. Princess Armageddon brought everyone back to life that her sister had killed. When resurrected each human had gained strength he/she did not have before. Many of the ones that had survived so far sided with Princess Apocalypse. Eventually after an epic battle Armageddon pulled her scythe out, and decapitated her sister, she then sprinkled the body with a fine powder and chanted over it. The body then spontaneously combusted, leaving only a flaming dress to show what used to be Princess Apocalypse. Armageddon then set every human on fire and threw her blonde hair back laughing as they burned.

It's due tomorrow and i actually need to identify some IOs and DOs…….(idk how) not sure how I did with PN and PA or if I did at all………(sentence structure not my thing)
and it's due tomorrow and I'm screwd, but my teacher loves fire