I am a 1 year old girl and would like some opinions on this piece of writing. I know it seems cliched but it's not really the guy ends up in a coma and wilst he is in a coma goes to afterlife. I know it won't be great. Thanks.

“What so you don't want to spend some more time with me?” He put on a sad face then got down onto his knees begging, “Oh please Silver. Please say you will spend more time with me.” Yet again he was attracting unwanted attention.
“Zach, I'm going on a date with you so why would I not want to spend time with you.”
“Hmm, I suppose you are right. Let's get to work then!” He lowered his voice so it was almost a whisper, “We don't have to do much, just put a few pieces of litter in the bag.”
“Okay, sure.” I bent down and picked up some wrappers shoving them in the bin bag.
“Oh Silver. You missed a bit.” I recognised the sarcastic tone and wasn't surprised to see Ella with Diana and Lauren standing at her sides. She had dropped at least ten wrappers on the floor and opened a packet of skittles and empted them out. They were now rolling around the floor.
“I guess you better get to work.” She snickered. I glared at her, what was her problem?
“Ella there is something on your shoe.” I said sweetly then I waited until she looked down examining her six inch stilettos, were they really appropriate for school? Nothing she had on was; she was wearing a mini skirt and a very low cut top. Once she was looking down I grabbed the soda she was holding in her hand and poured it down her shirt. She screamed.
“What the hell do you think you're doing? You've ruined my new shirt.”
“Oops, my bad. Now it looks like you've got something to clean up.”
I could here Zach laughing behind me.
She looked at Zach who was now clutching his sides, his face was bright red.
“Oh that was a good one Silver.” He gasped, “I didn't think you had it in you.”
“You've changed Zach Carter.” Ella said, “And you.” She pointed a perfectly manicured finger at me, “Are dead.” She lunged at me and grabbed a fistful of my hair. She pulled it screaming,at first I was startled then grabbed a fistful of her own hair. Doing my best to mess it up, it served her right for being so perfect.
Lauren and Diana were screaming, “Oh, my, god. What should we do? Her hair!” They were so pathetic, all the cared about was there hair and make-up.
Ella was digging her nails into my skin now and trying to scratch my face. Girls fight really different from guys. We just scratched and pulled each others hair. But guys would punch and kick each other, determined to break bones or cause bleeding. It was strange some guys even fought for fun, I really didn't get it. I kicked Ella's shoe and the heel snapped of, I didn't even kick it that hard. It was probably cheap rubbish, from the nearest thrift store that she pretended was designer gear.
“You broke my shoe! Do you know how much these cost me?” Here she goes again I thought. Going on about what she has she was so self-centred.
“Your shoes were horrible anyway.” I told her, “I was doing you a favour really.”
“You owe me money for my shirt and my shoes now!”
I fake yawned and she kicked my leg right were I had hurt it yesterday. I screamed out in pain and I could feel something running down my leg.
“See how you like that.” She said with a hint of laughter in her tone. That was it, she was in for it now. I brought back my fist and slammed it into her arm. She howled.
“Now were even.” We weren't really, I just didn't like hurting people. She had kicked me much harder than I had punched her. People had gathered round us and were shouting fight, fight, fight. What had I done?
“Okay that's enough.” Zach said, pushing past me and stopping Ella just as she was about to connect her fist with my face.
“What you're taking her side? After what she done to me.” Ella asked him.
“You deserved it and you know it.” Zach said, “Silver your legs bleeding again.”
I looked down at my leg, he was right. The place were the plaster had been now had blood pouring out of it.
“See the damage you've caused.” He said to Ella who was tuning away walking with one shoe on, the other in her hand.
“She broke my best shoes and poured soda down my shirt.” Ella hissed
“You deserved it Ella.” Zach said again, “Come on I'll take you to the nurses office for the second time this week.”