beauty healthy happy
14 Mar
Is this good for a book?
Daybreak was about as the sun peaked over the top of the Northern Mountains. Grey clouds moved out, presenting clear skies. The rain droplets on the glass windows from the night before began to fade. Strong gusts shook the rickety rooftops of many village homes that were scattered among the miles of farmland. It was just like any other day through the quietness of Pyro Village. It seemed almost deserted with the only sound of the wind blowing through trees and crackling leaves littering across the trail.
Pyro Village was a peaceful place that ran for over fifty miles on the southern part of the first island named Elpine. The village was surrounded by a tall wooden fence that kept out intruders. Half of the village was located in the dense forest and shaded by the thick treetops. Most of the homes were made from small handmade blocks of wood, that were crafted to inter lock with each other. The rooftops were made of hay that was compressed into panels that were six inches thick by two feet wide and were as long as needed.
On a normal day in the village the men would work on the farmland and the woman would stay home, taking good care of the children and especially the grass. The landscapes were beautiful and perfectly manicured. There was not a flower out-of-place. Each day in Pyro Village was the same as the day before, nothing changed. Almost everyone in the village enjoyed their life of work, but others needed some type of diversity. Max Leoguard was in that minority of people, along with his three best friends, Sean, Miranda and Jess. The four of them were a little different from the other teenagers in the village, which was the reason why their only friends were each other. Unlike anyone else, the four of them excelled at sword battling, which was the type of education children and teens must all go through. All children over the age of twelve were required to be educated and proficient on how to fight with a sword. They were also required to carry one at all times. This rule was proclaimed ever since a small army of Avengers unexpectedly attacked Pyro Village. At that time the outer defenses of the village were weaker and more people were letting their guard down, even though travelers warned them about a distant war going on. The attack happened over ten years ago and Max still remembered it up to this day.
Years before the attack, travelers would pass through the village time and time again, warning the citizens to leave, do to a great war involving monsters known as Avengers. These were giant-like creatures that stood over ten feet and had three baseball sized eyeballs that sunk into its head. They had dark rugged skin and long toenails that jutted out from their two feet. The most horrifying feature was their skillful level of sword battling that was down right terrifying. Just one Avenger could have the power to kill over thirty men in just a few short minutes. Many travelers warned Pyro Village of such a presence, but many citizens just scoffed and thought nothing of it.
Max always use to say that “People in this village think they're invincible and that nothing can happen to them.” No one ever listened to what Max had to say, but soon they would regret it.
On the day of the attack it was just like another afternoon doing daily chores in Pyro Village. Then the unthinkable happened. Twenty Avengers destroyed the outer gates and marched inward, killing livestock and ripping up the beautiful grass. Eventually, the fire dragons of the village burned the Avengers to the ground and saved the lives of thousands.
6 Responses for "Is this good for a book?"
Wooowwwiiieee!! That is amazing! VEry creative, and descriptive! It is absolutely publishing material!!
It's boring. I mean, the usage of large words is great but it's very boring. I couldn't get through the first few paragraphs.Sorry.
I really enjoyed it! It was very despritive. I would love to read the whole thing.
Very nice, good job and good luck!
That was great!! I loved it!
In a word – clunky. If I read this as the first page of a book in a bookshop or library, I'd put the book back on the shelf and go on to the next one. It's all background, not actual story, and it's mostly telling, not showing.Your first paragraph has to grab the reader and persuade them that it's worth reading on. It's very hard to make a weather report do that.I find it hard to believe that a village could be fifty miles across. Tokyo, the largest city on Earth, is a "mere" sixty or so miles wide.I don't see why your four characters are unpopular if they're good at something that everybody is supposed to be able to do. And why do the villagers need to be good at sword fighting (not sword battling) if they have fire-breathing dragons to protect them? Having fire-breathing protectors also makes it a rather short-sighted idea to have a fence around the village that's made of something flammable…Try again.
Leave a reply