how to respond to difficult compliment?
Author: admin
26
Mar
How to respond to difficult compliment?
I have a very good Indian girl friend (India Indian, not Native American) who compliments me sometimes on my skin and eye color. I have very pale skin and blue eyes. The way that she words it and follows it with a derogatory comment about her dark brown eyes and skin makes me very uncomfortable. For example, she'll say "you're so pale and pretty! Not like me, I'm so dark." I believe that physical beauty is not limited to one skin tone, eye color, hair texture and body shape. The compliments come off as racist (or at least colorist) to me and it makes me uncomfortable. She is a very beautiful woman and I want her to see that.
How do I respond? I really care about my friend and I want her to know that she's so lovely, inside and out.
6 Responses for "how to respond to difficult compliment?"
In Indian culture, being lighter skinned is considered more attractive. So she's not being racist (from her cultural perspective anyway). Tell her you think she is beautiful and that you find her dark skin attractive. You might let her know that in your culture, skin color does not matter so much and we find dark eyes and skin very pretty. And tell her exactly what you said, that you find her lovely inside and out.
I think you need to point out to her exactly the way you said it: "you give me a compliment, then are self deprecating; do you realize this?" She needs to know because women can only take so much of that stuff before we get tired of bolstering our friend who knows she is attractive, and guys find it a huge turnoff too. She will thank you later, because she will be more conscious of it. She prbly doesnt realize she is doing it.
Always best to reply with a "thank you" and leave it at that. If she puts herself down find something nice to say about her that is not related to her own self putdown (I like that shirt, you are so funny, etc.)
In India DARK SKIN is a sign of lower class… who work outside.(they have a cast system) SO SAY to her… well your beautiful DARK skin is a sign of wealth here in this country…
show her what you wrote
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Denim…
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