I'm in grade nine and we have a personal narrative due soon and I want to know if I should add or remove anything. Maybe you can give me some tips. Oh and we have to give ourselves a mark out of a hundred and I'm still not sure what to give myself. Suggestions?

My Hero
It hit me. It hit me like a bullet as if I was in the war. Or as if someone suddenly stabbed me in the back without a warning. I couldn’t understand the words that came out of my mother’s mouth trying to convince me that what had happened was true. I kept repeating the words, “why him”, in my head.
I was seven years old. I couldn’t assimilate why he just suddenly left everyone. All my relatives were around speaking with sympathy and they all looked so dark and gloomy. Sunglasses were covering their tears of sadness.
Music started playing as everyone quickly sat in their seats. At that time, pictures and flashbacks started running through my head.
The day he taught me how to ride my bike with my knees all skinned up. It took so many times for me to get it right without the training wheels. I looked down at my knees and I still had scars. The fun days he’d take my sisters and me out for supper at The Red Cap. Watching Wheel of Fortune in his chair with his arms wrapped around me. We always went to so many parks and parades together.
The best times was when he’d make me chant “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream” if I wanted any ice cream. I did it every time just for him. Then he’s make some type of thing with my dessert and I’d have to guess what it was before I could dig into it. I could still taste the vanilla in my mouth. I couldn’t imagine not having him around to do any of that anymore.
My eyes began to fill from the memories and my heart was beating faster than ever. All of a sudden, I saw him. The men were carrying him out. He didn’t look like my joyful grandpa, not the one I knew. His smile was broken and his eyes had no life to them at all. I couldn’t stand it any longer, I had to get out. I felt warm hand suddenly grab my mine. It was my mother, Warm tears were running down my face uncontrollably and my small fingers were shaking while my mother was taking me outside of the building.
“I don’t want him to leave me mommy! I need him…” That was all I could say. It was too late though, he was already gone.
It was October 19th 2002. That was the day that Arthur Gordon Brown, my grandfather died. He wasn’t just my grandfather though; he was my best friend, my companion, my father figure and my hero. He was a good man, always smiling, helping and caring for others. My grandpa gave me the best days of my childhood. It’s been eight years now, I still miss my grandpa but I know he’s in a better and safer place now.