I'm a 31 yr old female. I was born into horrendous dysfunction, suffered abuse and neglect as a child. At 18 i contacted a therapist . I scrimped and saved and paid to attend myself. I developed a great rapport with her. In fact i experienced 'transference' whereby i used to wish she was my mom. I saw her on and off through the years, i built a life for myself and could go 4 years without seeing her. Basically i'd see her now and again over the past 13yrs. I'm back again, and last time it was 4yrs since i saw her. I've tried other therapists but i could never build a rapport. She constantly tells me how impressed she is that i came to her, and that i knew i needed help and that i always stick in her mind.
To me shes fantastic and i owe all my development to date to the work we done together. I felt accepted for the first time. She has told me that i'm very special. My moms a raging mentally abusive alcoholic now in care at 64, i brought her up basically. I have ok a relationship with mum now, its ok, i take it for what it is and we can spend some ok times together.
Again i feel those feelings of longing to be 'close to my therapist'' (not sexually, maternally) returning. I feel good after spending time wtih her. But yet i'm sad coz i know this is a therapist client relationship and never will be anything more coz thats the nature of this relationship. I suppose its me looking for a mother figure i never had. Shes just so speical to me. Last night i had a really tender dream. I dreamed that we were both lying in bed and i was enjoying the feel of her skin and hair (again not sexual, please understand this). What are those feelings and do you think she feels anything? Do you think she feels any of this toward me? Should i reveal these feelings? Apparently they are common? Do you think she would be freaked and it would make our working relationship awkward?