I feel like a waste of skin and money. Because of me, my dad (who is the nicest, most respectable man I know) has to send my mother a quarter of his paycheck (and he’s a shop manager / tech / advisor for a rather large company, so that’s a huge chunk of change) but she makes more than he does. Sorry for whining about my problems, but my mother goes out 4 nights a week and blows it all on whatever the hell she wants, and when I want a new pair of jeans we ‘don’t have the money’ for 2 months until the asking gets too annoying. Even though its CHILD-support. And my dad did the math, in 2 years he won’t even be able to afford his house. So there’s one family (he remarried a lady who’d had kids already) that’d be better off without me taking up space on the earth.

Everyone at school HATES me. Seriously. This one kid who calls me jimmy neutron said “if you have a FaceBook, you should start a club called ‘everybody hates jimmy’.” Then some random passerby I don’t even know laughs and says “yeah, totally. I’m gonna laugh when the following # breaks a million!” the only teacher I have that likes me at all is my art teacher, and that’s just because she’s oblivious to the students degrading remarks about me, and because I can draw the 4th best at my high school. (But even though I’m that good, and good at every subject for that matter, [3.7 GPA] I get no recognition from anyone. Even when I ran my personal best mile of 6:02 and 1st place by 33 seconds, I don’t get an ‘Atta boy’ or a ‘good job’ or anything. Is there something wrong with me? I’m not ugly(or fat, I weigh 135lbs. at 5’11.5”), I have almost no zits, I hardly swear, I’m excellent or average at everything, I never say anything to hurt anybodies feelings, I can be funny… why do people hate me? When I missed a week of school because I was puking my heart out, one of the only two kids who noticed I was gone has a locker right under mine, so I’m kinda in the way sometimes. All he said was “hey, weren’t you gone last week? It was nice not having to wait for you to get out of the way last week.” And the other person was my crush who asked me why I was gone last week, but before I could answer her friends pulled her away to go to lunch.(all of her friends hate me with a burning passion, and I’m pretty sure a couple of her guy-friends are jealous that we’re as comfortable as we are after maybe 10 conversations, (the most recent of which we were alone in a locked classroom for an hour)so they all act like they’re her boyfriend, like they’re trying to scare me off or something, and she thinks its funny.) Anyways, almost nobody from my school would miss me, and some would be glad I was gone…

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago… worth mentioning. (She never told me why, so…)

(I just noticed something funny. You hear people say ‘Jesus loves you’ or ‘God made you and wants the best for you’, but never ‘Allah loves you,’ unless its followed by ‘*cough* pasty-skinned infidel *cough*’ XD) btw, I already know God loves me, so please don’t say that. If you want to say you’re praying for me, I’d appreciate it. (I can’t tell if you’re lying.)

Then there’s the rest of my family. My closest cousin, he’s a few months younger and lives in a nearby city that’s kinda ghetto-ish, says I steal his friends. I went out with him and a group of his friends for some party, and he said that they talked about me for days afterwards, and that a few girls even asked him for my cell #, but he lied and said he didn’t have it. (Including his crush at the time. this made him get jealous and PISSED.) I haven’t been anywhere with that crowd since, because, and I quote, “your too nice. I know you don’t do it on purpose, but you’re stealing my friends.” I had the opportunity to join his school, but when I asked him what he thought, it took him all but 2 seconds to decide that it ‘wasn’t such a good idea’. Anyways, that’s reason enough for him not to care. As for my aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and half of my cousins, they’d care, and they’d act sad, but it wouldn’t really matter to them. My girl cousin, that is my age and that I lived with for a year or two became like a sister to me, and she’s the only one I’d be sorry to leave. I couldn’t live with myself knowing how she’d probably react, but that’s the point, isn’t it?

So, to put it all in a nutshell, my dads side of the family will be better off, people from school don’t care or want me to go, and my family wouldn’t care any more than an average family, but that’s regardless of who you are. There is 1 cousin who’d miss me forever, one girl who might wonder what could have been, and one cousin who’d miss me, but be glad I’m gone at the same time. I’m thinkin’ that I’ll want to do this within the next few hours, so if you want to change my mind, you’d better hurry up.
In the meantime, I’m going to write some emo poems. Thanks for any acknowledgment at all. If you want to bash or make fun, go ahead. It’ll make it e