One Response for "Can someone please proofread this?"

1. lady gaga March 14th, 2010 at 6:41 pm 1

   People say that beauty is only skin deep, but many still have a troubled complexion resulting from acne, aging, or injury. Their solution is dermabrasion, a cosmetic procedure that involves skilled physicians removing unwanted skin. In the case of Mrs. Jones, a 48 year old homemaker, a successful dermabrasion treatment was conducted. There wasn’t severe pain or bleeding of the skin, which indicates that the right layer and a sufficient amount of skin WERE removed. The removed dead skin layer WAS regenerated by the underlying facial epidermis, which GAVE rise to new cells called keratonocytes. Mrs. Jones SOON NOTICED a difference in the complexion and texture of her skin, BECAUSE the new underlying layer TOOK over the old DAMAGED layer. The thought of removing a layer of the skin sounds terrifying and EVEN harmful, but there are many people, OTHER THAN MRS. JONES, that undergo this unique procedure in order to achieve better looking skin. Now that you know [remove "that", too many "that's" in this sentence] there is a treatment FOR removing unwanted layers of the skin, you may be wondering: "What layers are there, and what layerA ARE removed?"WELL, the skin is made of three layers of tissues. The SUPERFICIAL LAYER IS THE epidermis, THE UNDERLYING LAYER THAT IS WELL SUPPLIED WITH BLOOD IS THE dermis, and the DEEPEST LAYER THAT HAS MORE AREOLAR AND ADIPOSE TISSUE THAN THE OTHERS IS THE hypodermis. [Too many words, loses interest easily, you might want to put the descriptions elsewhere]The epidermis layer of the skin is avascular [what does that mean?]. IT IS the layer that the physician removes during a dermabrasion procedure. THE EPIDERMIS is made of five zones known as startas. THESE STARTAS ARE THE STRATUM BASAL, THE STRATUM SPINOSUM, THE STRATUM GRANULOSUM, THE STRATUM LUCIDUM, AND THE STRATUM CORNEUM. The stratum basal is the deepest layer that contains stem cells, which give rise to keratonocytes. These karatinocytes are pushed upward, forming the upper layer called the stratum spinosum. The stratum granulosum has three to five layers of flat cells. The layer that is seen in only thick skin such as; the palms, and the soles of the feet is called stratum lucidum. The layer that sits on the top is called stratum corneum that consists of up to 30 layers of dead scaly skin. This layer is especially resistant to water loss. All of these layers work together to create a protective layer of epidermis. Each one has a unique function, but there is one specific layer out of all of these that gives rise to the cells that form the overall epidermis.The stratum basal layer of the skin divides mitotically to form the epidermis cell layer. The stem cells divide to form keratinocytes that migrate toward the skin surface and replace lost epidermal cells.______________________________________…TIPS:+ I changed the introduction to make a a little more interesting, attention grabbing. + Remember that to make an article/essay/piece of writing easier to understand, use shorter sentences.+ For the Mrs. Jones example, use past tense. Future tense makes it sound like she is still not done with the procedure. Therefore, the dermabrasion cannot be called successful yet.+ The transitions were a little choppy. First, you were talking about Mrs. Jones, then other people, then skin layers. So, I added little snippets to connect these ideas together. (I used "well," as one of those transitions, I think it works.)+ When you say things like "the skin is made up of three layers of tissues", you should follow-up that sentence with one that identifies those three layers of tissues. That way, the reader knows what they are looking for/reading about. + It sounds like right now, you are only going to explain the epidermis layer. I know that you're not done yet, but you MUST explain the other layers. Remember, if you're going to introduce something, you MUST explain it. Otherwise, it just adds to the wordiness. + I assume that your spelling is correct and that your information are accurate. Source(s): Sounds like its going to be a super long case study.Good luck!