beauty healthy happy
26 Mar
Any Thoughts On My Poem?
DIAMONDS & SNOWFLAKES
Exaggeration of the mess you’re in
Blaming it all on me
Trying and lying to cut my skin
To drag me, unwillingly
You laugh and cheer the chaos free
You break what you can’t fix
Why do you suppose it will end with me?
Does my panic fuel your kicks?
Tumbling down towards the truth inside
Your infinite vertical drop
Stumbling miles of a rising black tide
This theatrical disaster must stop
I’m not afraid of your sterile schemes
It’s funny how you cannot realize
I could slip away, dissipate your dreams
But your screams keep me satisfied
You don’t go well with me, I know
You’re misshapen and confused
Like diamonds and snowflakes
All beauty can be abused
Well, there ya go? Please leave a comment, i'd love to hear some of your thoughts!
xo
8 Responses for "Any Thoughts On My Poem?"
My honest opinion? I think your poem speaks volumes. I love it and give it an A. With just a little tweak, an A+. You have a gift with words and just a little tweak will make you even better.As I'm reading, the poem flows nicely till I get to the 3rd stanza and the line-"This theatrical disaster must stop" There seems to be too many syllables. It's like I tripped and fell down over all 7 syllables in "theatrical disaster". Another trip in the 4th stanza with the word "cannot". Shorten it to can't and it flows.Almost done, hold on—–add another word to the last line of the poem. Something with 4 syllables. Either 2 words with 2 syllables or a big one with four.Remember, I said I loved it! LOL
This poem is about a volatile relationship in which one person is sick of the abuse and neglect of their partner. They know that they need to get away however for the sake of not being alone, they stay in the relationship. How was that?
I really like it 8/10. Just my style of poetry.Still room for improvement though, I have no advice for you but with more practice you will perfect it.
Very good
Needs work.
wow. i ?.
thats kool.. btw great vocab =]
Really awesome! You got one hell of a talent there! I think it means that the protagonist feels tortured by the hate that surrounds him/her but that he/she holds a secret that could be used against the people who like to hate him/her. That it's not really the protagonist that is being tortured, but the torturers that torture because they are afraid. I think. I sure hope I'm getting this right. I have an amazing ability to read what I want to hear in poems, so I might be totally off.
In either case though, you use powerful words. I love this poem!
Leave a reply