beauty healthy happy
15 Mar
Am I starting a good story?
I could barely see the moon over the thick ominous clouds. I watched the lightning flash several times through the windows of the car. As I was going through this unfamiliar street, Heading towards are new home, I was reading a Mark Twain book. I was reading it with a silver, dim reading light. As I take a break, I peek out my window and I can see a man, and a figure of a woman’s shadow. What seems like slow motion, the two peoples faces start to become clear. But in the blink of an eye the two disappear. ”Hallucinations “I whisper repetdly to myself. I still sit there staring out my window as the heavy raindrops pour, onto it. I can tell there hasn’t been any building built in the past century. The neighborhood I pass seems empty. The grass in each lawn is stray and begging for a drip of rain. I know by the next morning the lawns will be Emerald green. Just like my eyes. I have a small amount of freckles on my cheeks. Dark brown, somewhat wavy, short, hair. I have nice tan skin, just like my mother. I am 15, am turning 16 in June, in two weeks to be exact. “Welcome home” my mother calls. W e pulls into an unfamiliar driveway, which is almost completely ruined. “Isn’t beautiful?” my dad says with a proud voice. “Beautiful?” I say. Do you think beauty is old, white paint peeling off, shingles hanging shudders hanging by a nail and awful brown grass and broken wind-“ “That will be enough of that attitude” my dad says. My dad gets out of the truck first, then me, then my mom, then my brother. I had a weird feeling, I couldn’t exactly explain. I look around. I think, "this was a very quiet town.”In the corner of my eye I notice a street light go out. I was questioning where we were. My parents said nothing about where we were going or why. Other than we were moving. I then snap back to reality and notice I’m the only one left standing in the cold, wet rain. I quickly dash into this strange, unforgettable house.
I t was near twelve in the morning before we were all lying down. By now the rain has stopped, but there was still a cold chill outside. My mom gave us sleeping bags to curl up in. But I could still feel the finished, hardwood below me.
3 Responses for "Am I starting a good story?"
Damn good – keep up the good work.
This is either, "Is this writing good?" or, "Am I starting a good story?" without giving a story. I have no idea if this is going to be a good story, because I don't know the plot. Insofar as writing, the writing is solid with the exception of the switching between present and past tense. It has to be one. i won't get into formatting. i do like that you let your characters tell the story, that you let them describe things, and the writing isn't pretentious like a lot of young people like to write. It's fairly solid with a few minor bugs. Source(s): 22 years of novel writing.
It's a very cliche, "It was a dark, stormy night, and something bad will happen," beginning and this will make readers lose interest quickly, if not immediately. Try something more exciting and original. =]
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